We have had quite a journey the past 25 years. Looking back it seems so silly to know how much time and energy I wasted trying to get rid of you and loathing myself for your constant presence. I know now how essential you are; how you enable me to be who I am not in spite of but because of. I know now that you, nor my weight dictate my joy, happiness, or value. You are merely a component of me. And an essential one at that. You are a measure of the wealth of my life. Do you remember that great summer evening when the hubby and I went out for ice cream and ate it under the stars? It was magical. And what about that time when I skipped a workout to drink coffee on the patio watching the sun rise?
Life is full of these moments. Moments to be cherished above all else. I should be thanking you- fat, for all the good times when you have reminded me how truly lucky I am. That I have an amazing family and friends who love me, a job I adore, food on my table, and a body that can rise to any challenge I set before it!
Does that mean that I will constantly indulge? Of course not. I feel sick and bloated and cranky when I do that. Then I am not enjoying life, or embracing all that life has to offer me. But will I have smores on my next camping trip and cake on my birthday? Absolutely! Will I sleep in some days or watch a marathon of Supernatural on others? (don’t judge me) Of course! Life is meant to be celebrated wholly and with abandon; not measured, analyzed, poked, prodded, and dependent on a silly number.
I am so much more than my fat. I am so much more than the inches around my thighs, or waist, or hips. I am so much more than a calculation, a desperation, a drive to be taller, thinner, bigger breasted… I am so much more than the zit on my nose or the wrinkles around my eyes.
I can have fat on my hips and STILL LOVE TO EXERCISE! I can enjoy dancing one day, yoga the next, and train for a half marathon several times a year, and STILL have fat on me.
What is it with this silly desire to rid ourselves of every flaw…to have flat tummies, thin thighs, and arms that never jiggle!?! Does that sound human to you? No! It sounds like a robot to me. It sounds like someone who spends every waking minute focused on counting every calorie, measuring every body part, denying every morsel.
There is a balance. A way to live. Without the yearning, the constant guilt, pain, struggle. There is a way to enjoy life, to live it with joy, passion, and yes, health! There is a way to enjoy real food, good company, active adventures, and slow mornings. What is with all the rush, the pushing, the reaching, the need for busy.
Are we not enough? Is it not enough to see the sun rise every morning, to hear the birds sing, to hug your family, and know that you are fully loved? Is it not enough to know that your hands, your feet, your heart can do so much good in the world?!? You have to be thin too?
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you should never workout and you should eat all the chocolate you want. Of course not. That is not doing yourself any good. That is merely filling an immediate desire while ignoring the fact that you are making yourself sick.
But can’t we find a balance? Isn’t there something between obesity… a victoria’s secret model… and a professional bodybuilder? Can’t we just be ourselves, healthy, whole, joyful. Can we be ok with our own “flaws” and be at peace with where we are right NOW.
Yes, please have goals. If you want to learn to do 50 pushups… then by all means learn to do 50 pushups. You will find so much pleasure, and pride by accomplishing your goal. But if that idea gives you no joy, than find something else. Find what fills your heart. Find your passion. Find what gets you up in the morning. Do crossfit if you love it. Do jazzercise if you love it. Do zumba, yoga, pilates, marathons, step aerobics, swimming- IF YOU LOVE IT.
Fat you have no claim on my happiness. No claim on my joy. No claim on my peace of mind. My joy comes from within. From knowing I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now and being ok with that. My joy comes from knowing that maybe I can’t bench press 300lbs right now, but if that is my goal, I can accomplish it. I will love myself. I will nourish myself with wholesome food, consistent movement, and the knowledge that my best is good enough.
So fat, I love you. I love all the great memories you bring to mind. I love the curve you give my hips and the swivel you give my “assets”. 😉
Thanks for all the fun!
Love and joy,